The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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