we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize