You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
