My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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