Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
