yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I need a beard to bite.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
