Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
that's an acceptable place to lick
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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