dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
