We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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