I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
