I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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