I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
