I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
