I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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