im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
