you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
