hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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