who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
