remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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