The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
