i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
