I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
