Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
