pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
