also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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