This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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