I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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