I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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