sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You made out with two different species that night
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
