Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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