did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
