There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When did angry sex become our thing?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
