dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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