I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
