There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
