Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
