Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
