...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
