Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
