her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
