she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
