You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
