Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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