using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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