I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize