took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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