just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
