I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Someone shit on the floor
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
