No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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