why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
