Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize