you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
