if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
