After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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