He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
