I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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