am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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