What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
