She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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