we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
