margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Terrible idea I love it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
