Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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