she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
