the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
