lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wanna passion pit in your ass
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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