i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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