threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
