a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize