if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
